The Bench

Taking an evening stroll with my wife is one of my favorite past-times. It’s a moment to connect as a couple, to talk about our day, to talk about our dreams and get out of our concrete world and into nature. When we walk, we pass through neighborhoods lined with trees, shaded woods, fields with tall grass, and little parks equipped with children at play. I notice that all the parks come with benches. The children run and play, but the parents or grandparents sit on the benches, watching their kids.

The bench is a place of rest and reflection. A place to watch life unfold and participate in conversation. The bench is never a place I associate with action. It’s a dormant space nestled into my otherwise active life. One day this bench will be a prominent part of my daily life, I suppose. But not now.

For the past few years, I have been wrestling with the concept of manhood. Something I share in common with the guys of my generation. It’s a topic rarely discussed openly in my circles of church goers. I think about what it takes to be a man in the real world, and how this measures with what’s expected in the church. The real world is tough. Its messy and sometimes dangerous. It moves fast and hits hard. When I go to church, the expectation for men is much like sitting on the park bench. At least it feels that way. Manhood, or masculinity, is passive and tame in the church. We men are to settle down and relax. We are to talk in a gentle voice as if an impressionable little child is playing a few feet away.

This bothers me. I tried for a number of years to not let it bother me, but I can’t help myself. Every year, the men of my generation continue to dress themselves like teenagers and talk like angst filled pre-teens, always going off about some global cause. Yet deep down I know they feel like I do. They might not be able to communicate effectively what is rolling around in their head day after day, but it’s in there. Do you want to know what is constantly circulating between our ears? That’s easy! Two words—Mentor Me!

We men are not that complicated. And the men of my generation are no exception. To understand men, you must keep three things in mind: we are never women, we don’t want to be children, and we are afraid of becoming useless. In a nutshell, we want to be men. Even though we are technically men, there are many days we find ourselves asking the question—am I man enough?

When it comes to church, there is definitely a man problem. Though men usually make up the majority of full-time staff, the participation from men in the church has grown stagnant. Church has become mostly an active place for women and children. Men go out and work their jobs and pay the tithes, for the most part, but outside of that we generally feel frigid. When I think about that park bench, I am reminded of the church experience for men. And I can’t help but draw a link between the two. For men, the church feels far too inactive.

But what if men could get engaged in their faith and participate the most in church. Not just a little participation, but the most participation! What would it take to draw us out of our stupor? Well, it wouldn’t be to press in to the current state of things. Men will not settle for a park bench. So, what would do it? Let me introduce three additional benches…

THE PLAYER’S BENCH

Even if we haven’t played a sport, we all know about the Player’s Bench. This is a place where the coach calls us out of the game for a few reasons:

1. We are not giving 100%
2. We are not contributing to the game
3. We are burned out and need a breather

All men will sit on this bench at some point. In fact, this bench is the starting point for our walk with God. When Jesus confronted Saul on the road to Damascus, He blinded Saul and stopped him in his tracks. Saul spent a few days sitting in a house waiting for Ananias to minister the Gospel to him. Essentially, God benched Saul. No man first comes to God operating in the Spirit, but the flesh. We may be drawn by the Spirit, but we operate in the flesh. We think in fleshly ways and carnal thoughts. Even our most “pure” thoughts are carnal to Him.

So, what is the purpose of the Player’s Bench? This bench is about getting in alignment with what our Coach expects of us. We cannot just run out into the field doing our own thing. Coach will blow his whistle and make us do laps, again. This bench is a place of correction and instruction. We want to be on the starting team. We want to face our opponent on the field and fulfill our purpose. But Coach first has to get us to submit to His will. We have to get in alignment.

Now to the second bench…

THE BENCH PRESS

This image hits men harder than we care to admit. For some, it is a place of victory. It is a place where man meets conflict head on and achieves their goals. But for most men, this is a picture of pain and defeat. The Bench Press, representing the gym, is a place of conditioning. This is where we find our limits and push past them a little bit at a time. Or we get scared, frustrated, beat up and quit.

I think most men measure their manhood in part by how comfortable they feel in a gym. Does the gym bring energy, focus and strength? Or, does the gym bring fear, weakness and defeat? Every man knows their answer and acts accordingly. But the Bench Press is not about the physical only. It isn’t just about getting a wide chest and sculpted triceps. The Bench Press is the next bench all Christian men must face. It is a place to grow spiritual muscles and develop into adulthood. It is a place to strip ourselves of the weaknesses we had as little boys and grow into capable men.

This is where sin is confronted. Our will has already been changed by the Player’s Bench, now our ability to operate as Christian men will be tested. Paul talks about running the race with endurance, or how a boxer must train effectively in order to enter the ring. The Bench Press is exactly what he is talking about. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to say stupid things. We will find an error in our theology and we will be tested constantly. But if we face this part head on and get back on the bench until we can lift through Christ’s strength, we will be mighty men of God.

And that is what every man wants. But there is one more bench left…

THE WORK BENCH

I remember helping my father in the garage on Saturdays. After we mowed the lawn and washed the cars, he sometimes had us help him with a project in the garage. My dad liked to work with wood. He had a large table saw and several other hand tools and he put us to work. As the younger brother, I was tasked with sweeping sawdust, picking up nails and screws, carrying boards, etc. But those days were some of the most fun I ever had. Why?

Because men want to be useful.

The Work Bench is the last phase of becoming a Christian man. This is a place where men roll up their sleeves and get to work. Imagine an actual work bench and stacked beside it is a pile of broken and unfinished items. No one is sitting at the bench. The work keeps piling up and there are people desperate for the work to be completed. This is the place where a man of God picks up the tools and learns competence.

We are all called to do something for the Kingdom of Heaven. But only a few are chosen, as the Word says. Who are the chosen? Those men (and women) who go through this process and finally reach The Work Bench. The chosen are those who do not walk away from the pile of work. They are the ones who say— “I will get this done by the power of God.” And then it gets done.

Every man that I know wants to get to the Work Bench. It just takes a process and it takes other men to assist in the transformation. Every young man wants a mentor and every capable man should be mentoring others. The park bench will have a role at some point and for some times, but men right now are desperate for the other three.

Jeff Knapick
WBC Member