If you have spent any amount of time with me, there is a good chance I have told you about my grandparents. Unlike grandparents today, my grandparents did not have cutesy names. They were Papaw and Granny. My Papaw was 69 years old when I was born. He was born in 1909 and was raised during the great depression. He served in the Army during WWII, and then came home and married my Granny. He worked as a surveyor for a time, and he was a farmer. Most of his farming days were done by the time I was born. My grandparents had sold their farm to move closer to town when my Papaw’s mother had a stroke. The doctor couldn’t get to their home to care for her so they sold everything and moved closer to the doctor. Papaw stayed home and took care of his mother and my Granny worked. The day after his mother died, his father had a stroke and they cared for him until his death as well. My grandparents took care of many people in their life. They were definitely members of the “greatest generation”.
My mom is an only child; this made my two younger sisters and me the only grandchildren for Papaw and Granny. My childhood was spent with them. They were our babysitters, our teachers, our best friends, and our heroes. We loved being with them. We spent summers and weekends with them. They had very little money, a very, very modest home, and I do not think we ever went on vacation anywhere with them. I don’t think I understood how poor they were because they never acted poor or seemed to care. We just loved being with them because they loved us, and we loved them. They were our safe place and the people we trusted most in the whole world. We truly thought they walked on water. The love they showed my sisters and me is hard to describe, it is hard to forget, and it is hard to give up.
Tyler with Granny and Pawpaw
Next month will mark the 20-year anniversary of my Papaw’s death. In some ways it feels like a just short time since he passed and yet in some ways it feels like he has been gone forever.
When he died, I didn’t think I could breathe without him. I didn’t think I could live one moment without him. Even now 20 years later the loss is still heavy. C.S. Lewis says this of death in his book A Grief Observed:
“The death of a beloved is an amputation, and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off.”
I have determined that someone doesn’t “get over” the loss. The pain might lessen as you go on and eventually the days will come where the hurt is not paralyzing. However, your life will never be the same. It is impossible for life to go on unaffected. Grief and remembrance are parts of everyday life after losing a loved one.
That is where I am today, 20 years later. In remembrance. It seems the anniversary of his death always seems to ambush me, however, this year I have really taken the time to time to reflect on his life and the years he has been gone. I think the notable number of 20 years of being without him has made me stop to examine things more deeply. I have been thinking about all the things that have changed in 20 years.
Just a few reminders of what was happening 20 years ago…
- The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, and Spider-Man were the biggest movies of 2002.
- Disney released, Lilo and Stitch.
- Apple released its second-generation iPod, which held a then-whopping 20GB of storage space. The iPhone was still 5 years from being released.
- Kelly Clarkson won the very first season of American Idol.
- The Sanyo SCP-5300 became the very first cell phone to have a built-in camera to be released in the US. Again, no iPhone yet.
- Super Bowl XXXVI, New England Patriots beat St. Louis Rams, 20-17 and the MVP – you guessed it, Tom Brady. This was his very first Super Bowl win. 20 years later and “Touchdown Tom” is still winning.
The years have changed many things for me personally as well. When my Papaw died, my oldest son Clay, who is named after my Papaw, was almost 3 years old. Now, he is a recent college graduate and doesn’t even live with me anymore. He also barely calls. Call your mom if you read this Clay.
My other sons, twin boys, came along in 2005. In 2011, my sweet Granny went to be with the Lord. We have moved several more times in the last 20 years. We have made so many friends through the years from every place we moved, many are now our family we didn’t even know we needed. So many hard times in those 20 years but many wonderful times, too. Last year one of my sisters had a baby, my nephew who carries my grandparents’ name and in just a few weeks my other sister will be getting married.
So many things have changed in 20 years.
However, there are things that my Papaw cultivated in me that will never change. He was always a good neighbor and friend. He called his neighbors every morning because he had to check on his “patients” and make sure no one needed anything.
He taught me to be kind, he told my sisters to not think we were better than anyone; however, that didn’t mean that you should let anyone treat you poorly. Even if you don’t always agree.
It is ok to fail. When we didn’t win or come in first in something, he would say “you can’t win them all. You have to learn to lose, too”.
He taught us to “not just read your bible, live it”. My grandparents were truly a reflection of Christ in every way. I know the goodness of God today because of the reflection they showed in their love.
Prayer, I could always hear Papaw and Granny talking at night. I didn’t know what they were saying until one night I got up to listen at the door. They were praying. They prayed for everyone they knew. Even some people I didn’t think deserved their prayer.
To love big, My Papaw and Granny didn’t have much by the world’s standards. They didn’t have a big house or a fancy car, no retirement or money for us to inherit. However, the love they gave is a priceless inheritance. It lives on today in my life and I pray that I gift that same love as well.
These are the things that death cannot steal nor any amount of time change.
Tyler Settle
Women’s Ministry Associate | Church Receptionist
